Perspective, Collectivism, Culture, Community

3 Things to Consider

# 1 Anything more than the truth would be too much.

Robert Frost, Poet.

# 2 Claire Vanderplank on the need for collectivism in society.

What we’re missing is society is the ability for having very highly evolved culture that reinforces out processes, laws and protocols. One that encourages acting for the collective. We can’t design our culture - it’s emergent.

Claire Vanderplank, Partnering with Nature. July Attendee, You CAN ask that!

# 3 Anthony James on the power of community participating civically.

There is a beauty and power in reconnection as community. It can be visceral. When there is participation for a greater purpose in society, when we are manifesting what we want in our communities, taking on responsibilities, there's real power in that.

Anthony James, Systems Thinker, RegenNarration Podcast Host, July Guest, You CAN ask that!

2 Thoughts from me

# 1 Greater perspective includes more than you. It includes us.

# 2 Serving is the great gift of life.

The graceful act of helping evokes a spectacular reciprocity in the eco-system around us.

Every contribution energises humanity, from the tiniest gestures of intent to mammoth acts of service. Heartful, generous acts link us together.

1 Small cIVIC mINDED Act

Little

by

little,

a little

becomes

a lot.

                                                                                     Tanzanian Proverb

We invite our community to consider what one small thing that they could do to make a change in someones life or in their immediate environment in the next week.

Try this:

This is an invitation to get connected to where your food comes from. Next time you're shopping - pay attention to where it's grown and by who.

Your choice! Remember, every small thing adds up.

Djinang. (Noongar language - to look.)

Til Next time,

Suzanne Waldron,

Behavioural Facilitator, Interviewer & Curator. Also, loving travelling again right now.

Let's create a fairer society together.

Through conversations. And, if you're keen, one small civic minded act at a time.

P.S. Have a look at this.

And this.

P.P.S. Mark Pollock. This legend is our August You CAN Ask that! guest. OMG are we just a wee bit, honoured, beside ourselves, delira and excira (hope I'm using the Irish slang correctly and not looking like an eejit) ... get on the waiting list here.

(Acknowledgement to Jaymelee who helps with this piece every month. And Rhys Paddick for Noongar Language translation.)

Do you know how your morals are failing you?

3 Things to Consider

# 1 Dr Simon Eassom on moral foundations:

Aristotle argued that “we enter the palace of reason through the courtyard of habit and tradition.” In other words, it's very difficult to grow up completely impartial or in some sort of vacuum.

Simon Eassom, Chief Futurist , Specialist in Applied Ethics, June Guest You CAN ask that!.

# 2 Rabia Siddique on commonality in times of extreme injustice:

As humans we are bound by our similarities. Celebration and loss are things that we all share. We may ritualise them and express them differently, but it’s this that is deep within us which is common to humanity.

Rabia Siddique, International Humaitarian, Best Selling Author ' Equal Justice". June Guest You CAN ask that!

# 3 Peter Singer on preventing bad:

If it is in our power to prevent something bad from happening, without thereby sacrificing anything of comparable moral importance, we ought, morally, to do it.

Peter Singer AC, Moral Philosopher and Professor of Bioethics at Princeton University

2 Thoughts from me

# 1 Moral complacency dulls the senses to the injustice in the world.

# 2 Holding two moral extremes at the same time...

 Anger that people who flee their countries from terrorism, political persecution, and extreme un-safety are left to fend for themselves without the most basic support from our government.

Pride, for the people and communities like Inner West for Refugees for their hard work and compassion for asylum seekers and refugees in Sydney.

1 Small cIVIC mINDED Act

"Big shifts are achieved as a result of a multitude of smaller significant actions."

Michael J Perez., June YCAT

We invite our community to consider what one small thing that they could do to make a change in someones life or in their immediate environment in the next week.

Try this:

Find an event in your city where the proceeds go to charity. (Isn't it cool that we can go out and have fun and simultaneously help others. Where you still get to have fun and do the things that you love)

Your choice! Remember, every small thing adds up.

Email us at support@suzannewaldron and tell us your fave part of this newsletter if so inspired.

Til Next time,

Suzanne Waldron,

Behavioural Facilitator, Interviewer & Curator. Also, a great dancer.

Let's create a fairer society together.

Through conversations. And, if you're keen, one small civic minded act at a time.

P.S. You CAN Ask that!.

P.P.S oh and if you're still reading - here's link to a something funny or cool that aligns with our values that we want to share with our community. Like maybe this.

Wanting, Waiting, Wishing

Whenever these three w’s are in my life, I find myself getting distracted, unhappy and lacking.

I’m experimenting with noticing them. Because the sneaky little feelings sit right underneath the surface and I fall into them way more than I’d like to. The link between them all is this: they all live in the past or future and serve believing you don’t have enough (or don’t deserve).

When we slip into the fold of the w’s we give power to a place where reality isn’t existing. We’ve entered the fabricated world. A place where it’s pretty tough to live as there’s zero control. It doesn’t feel great as they all indicate something seems like it’s missing.

Please know, this isn’t about not having intentions or goals, rather noticing when we are feeling down and are slipping into scarcity thinking. The thing is, when we practice being genuinely present there is a lot to reconcile as plenty around us.

Wanting, wishing and waiting is basically a way of saying now isn’t right. I get that there may very well be things that need to change in the now, but I’ll be so bold as to bet that there is more in front of you that would help see a brighter perspective.

When we access a sense of perspective, we access possibility and hope. This morning, I was super grumpy and aggravated. I heard my internal little voice say – come on Suzanne – look around and find some gratitude. I did, and suddenly was seeing so many beautiful things to feel good about. Was I still annoyed at being in lockdown, cancelling a trip and feeling apart from those I love in other cities? Er, yes. 100%. But it didn’t mean I didn’t have other things right now that fill my cup.

I’ll never dismiss my feelings and suggest you don’t either. Feel them fully and understand them, nurture them as they are clues to more about the way you run your human system. Then, when honoured and seen, move into gratitude as quickly as you can. It may take a day but aim for it. It helps this funny ol’ experience of life.

Wising you were here,

(oh wait)

Suzanne

Obliged

She asked a question which made me pause. I could have easily just answered, and succumbed to the pressure of wanting to comply, to been seen as agreeable.

In that moment I let myself slow down and access that little gut feeling I’m so used to trusting these days.

I just didn’t like the question. It went against a belief system I have. And so, whilst of course I could have answered. I felt it was more powerful not to.

She waited patiently as I considered. 

So, I explained that the question in my view whilst well intended and seemingly innocent, would ask of me to be judgemental and assumptive. Both of which I’m not a fan of.

This was a pretty important meeting. One where I needed to be on my A game. But I’ve done a lot of work on my morals, my ethical boundaries and I know when I’m about to contravene myself.

Then I got to thinking about obligation. I’m just not an obliged person. I certainly do what I say I’m going to do and will do the hard yards of committment. But I won’t be obliged just because it seems like falling in line is the right thing to do.

We’ve become overly obliged. Due to societal expectations, pressure to perform at a rate that is unhealthy and because we are on show so much of our lives these days. It seems we are at the mercy of judgement more often than not.

Our belief systems often run amok having us overcommit, agreeing when we don’t, saying yes when our whole body is screaming no! Because, underneath those moments we have a second voice saying things like:

- if I don’t, I’m not good enough.
- if I do it this time, they may just accept me for once.
- this makes me look good (even though it’ll likely hurt me in the long run)

This isn’t about selfishness for those of you wondering. This is about congruency. When we show up whole and aligned, we fall IN to the place that right for us in the world.

Not much obliged,
S

Clinging on

My friend was looking at the incoming wave, he turned to me urgently and in a briefest of moments said, “the best way through this is to lift your feet off the bottom and let the wave carry you.”

I was facing a very big fear. Being in the sea. Not only the vast rugged ocean but a choppy pre-stormy version of it.

I’d been avoiding this for a very long time. I stood there unexpectedly willing to test my vulnerability at a level, quite frankly, I prefer to keep firmly under control. Holding the hand of my safety person I was trembling. Standing right in the place where the waves where the worst. If I went backwards or forwards it would be better but here, I was.

Frozen. I simply couldn’t move.

He was more experienced. I trusted him. With little time to think about it, I lifted my feet accompanied by a fearful sound that escaped my mouth whilst sea water snuck in as he held me steady, our feet lifted from the bottom.

Over in seconds and our feet on the sea floor again, I turned shaking and immediately moved closer to the calmer edge of safety as I could. My trembling turned into tears of relief.

“To have faith is to trust yourself to the water. When you swim you don't grab hold of the water, because if you do you will sink and drown. Instead you relax, and float.” – Alan Watts.

In my case I wasn’t clinging onto a belief about the water - although it could easily seem like that – but about letting someone physically help me. Like many I have the “I must be strong” persona. In order to let someone else take the reins with my physical safety I had to let go of the notion that I was the only one that could do that. True, I was clinging on for dear life in its place, but I walked over a psychological barrier I’d nurtured for a very long time.

I look around at our political landscape, the workplace, family dynamics, self-relationship and I marvel at the damage we are doing in clinging on. Clinging to draconian concepts and unfounded self-righteousness that prevents the very thing we all want more of. A safe and loving life. Clinging to any false sense of security that masks and hides our truest needs.

Imagine experiences where we are more gracious in letting go of a rigidity particularly during tumultuous times - how we could be far more effective and expansive rather than protective and constrictive? Imagine in that expansion better ideas, new information and dare I say a happier contented way of living life that is far less lonely.

It takes courage to let go of the notion that any-one of us is the only one that can.

Me and the sea? Still need to do some work on our relationship. Small steps, as they say. But I respect it and even understand it a little more. Gratitude going to its willing participation and my wise friend.

What are you clinging onto for dear life that if you relaxed your grip even just a little will help? 

Nurture

Recently I was asked what nurtures me.

Huh.

Great question.

Backed up by that was a statement:

Because Suzanne, what’s good for you is good for the world.

Huh.

I turned the question into: what’s good for me?

Now, I’m asking you.

(PS: my answer: truth, equity, space, fresh air, meditation, sensory experiences, alone time, not taking too much, not turning a blind eye, asking for what I need, compassion, love)

Certain

My initial reaction was one of quiet internal embarrassment.

“People who are too certain make me sceptical.” Sisonke Msimang commented from stage whilst interviewing the phenomenal Stan Grant via zoom.

I’ve been accused of this during my early years. Being too certain. Not leaving any room for enquiry, or alternative views. That I own my opinion emphatically and it lures people into assimilating with me rather than opening the dialogue for broader thought.

Years ago, I also noticed it on stage speaking, at times I was over-confident and too pumped up. Admittedly, this is mostly old feedback of which I know from a place of survival in my early years when I felt unsafe. So, I’d make up for it in fake or nervous confidence to be accepted. But reminders such as these bring me to moments where the old rears its head and I notice my longstanding knowing… a need to feel validated by agreement. It’s so subtle these days even I have trouble catching it.

Stan Grant in this interview delved far deeper into the subject citing that the danger of certainty led to far more brutal historical issues than my version of needing validating, but rather ones of colonisation and genocide. That supremacy had certainty attached so deeply in the western democracy, that it forgoes any consideration for anything but extreme individualism. Bringing a self-prophesied right to claim something or someone that simply is not yours.

I know. That was a fair chunk of information right there. But you can see how too much certainty (the extreme kind) may blind us to truths and realities that cloud judgement. All in the pursuit of progress and increasingly unhealthy modern success measures that replicate vanity more than positive impact.

As my dear friend Dwayne Mallard lives by and searches for in his Indigenous culture, on his country, arjaway (another way) I think when we embrace uncertainty, we value the unknown. The possibility. I wonder if we released the need to know and entered more of life with enquiry, curiosity and intent to explore could we change factions, division, and subversive control?

Being, feeling and acting too certain is a signal of something rumbling underneath. The underlying nature possibly insecurity. I know I watch for it in my life as a sign of where my levels of feeling safe or unsafe are. When I find it in me or someone else, I seek compassion and then I find new possibility emerges and with that, much more harmony.

It's worth noticing when certainty is in its extreme.

Uncertainly yours,
Suzanne

Blame

Blame. It's something we may find ourselves turning to, when we feel things are turning against us. 

Here is a passage from my new book Sleeping Giants. 

Every passage and poem was written as I was feeling that particular circumstance or feeling. I hope this piece resonates with you.

Much love,
Suzanne

PS: 100% of the book sale profits go to Nakuru Hope, the orphanage I stayed at in Kenya. It buys water and food directly for the children I met personally. They need our help immediately. So, thank you for you supporting them through this project.

The Right to Privacy

Hey,

I'm curious. What do you think? 

- Who has the right to privacy? 

- Are you comfortable being tracked? 

- Can I screenshot a text from you and show someone else without you knowing?

- Should I be allowed to anonymously take your photo in a park?

- Is CCTV encroaching on our freedom? 

- Do children have a right to privacy?

Oh, so many questions. As a Project Curator (alongside Natalia Fidyka) for the Museum of Freedom and Tolerance, we were invited to explore article 12 of the Universal Declaration of Human Rights as part of their human rights x human responsibilities campaign. 

We were intrigued to explore cultural, technological and legal rights. Privacy laws are certainly clear, but then we got to thinking about moral privacy. Just because we can, doesn't mean we should. 

After much research and conversation, something unexpected kept recurring and we found ourselves facing the same question from the people we interviewed. 

Check out the clip! I would LOVE to know what you think. 

Suzanne

PS: we created this clip with our wonderful team (Ella & Zinab), they worked so hard on this piece #dreamteam.

Shadows

You know when you’re in the depth of a dark night, and it takes a moment to adjust your eyes so you can see? I think it’s a little like that with the darker parts of ourselves. We’ve been taught and encouraged to dismiss or redirect the more uncomfortable feelings, with an unconscious expectation that we must live in the lighter more affable feelings of life. 

The other day I was sitting at my desk and the sun caught me in its reflection on the wall. I quickly snapped the outline of the shadow. And as rapidly as I snapped it, it was gone. Much like the short lived allowances we give of such darker moments inside ourselves.

Recently, I had a couple of days where no matter what, I couldn’t shake the shadow emotions. This isn’t unusual for me, albeit over the years they don’t come quite as often for the internal work I do to see all of myself. But here I was once again in the shadows. 

I’ve learned to recognise the difference between deep grief, and systemic emotions that surface begging to be seen, and healed. Versus the ones that are on repeat and triggered like an algorithm and not always entirely relevant to the moment. 

With these deeper emotions, I put zero barriers on them and let them through the whole way. Feeling it all. No judging or blaming or expecting anything other than deep feelings. I validate the reality and let myself feel everything. Later, in a more centred and purposeful way, I do the cognitive work to understand the reasons to learn from what my body and mind are telling me. 

When the thoughts on repeat come along, if I can catch them in time that is (not always successful!) I recognise they have been triggered like a sensor for some reason outside of myself, and I actively put them aside choosing different thoughts and feelings so to create a more purposeful experience in that moment and day. This takes practice to know the difference, but even knowing the difference is helpful. Slow and gentle discernment is the key to learning these nuances. 

The more we deny shadows and want to shrink them, we deny parts of ourselves that are valid and real. Our job is to notice them when they reveal themselves, even when they are fleeting like this one of mine on the wall in the sun. Because as shadows they move around us in orbit, and still there none-the-less. When you see one, sense one, welcome it in like an old friend who has some troubles to discuss. Let’s face it, you wouldn’t turn them away. 

Don’t turn yourself away either my friend. 

Feelings

Too many people don’t actually have a clue how they FEEL (we are all very good at knowing what we think…)

There's a difference from acting in the world, and reacting.

When we access our deeper truth and current state of emotions, we can get such insight into our actions, conversations and intentions. This helps us to feel better, and be clearer.

In this state we operate from a place of connection and genuineness.

The three questions:
1) What is my current feeling?
2) What do I need about that right now?
3) What would a wise person do?

More in the clip…about non-judgement, why accessing ‘wise’ is so helpful, and the relief that comes from practicing this.

Enjoy!

S

Bold

Something happened last week. I remembered I could be be bold. You know, those moments where you...

Finally make a decision, and found the courage to make it happen? 

Remember you can humbly and excitedly ask your idol to connect with you online? (HE DID) We chatted for a while (my goodness I was honoured)!

Never need to wait to drink the special champagne, or wear the crazy clothes, or laugh like the neighbours might complain? Ok, so most of those I'm pretty good at most of the time, but lately, maybe I forgot to DARE to be BOLD a little bit. 

I don't mean this to be a therapy session on me, and if it is, maybe that's bold too? It has been joyful and a little scary remembering this part of me. 

My goodness though, it paid off. 

I thought maybe, just maybe, you too may appreciate a reminder that you can unleash some of your boldness too. In your unique way.

If you feel like it…

S

Transparent you

You know I believe in absolute transparency. But I also appreciate discretion and appropriate place and time for feelings. In talking to many recently, it seems they have forgotten to have their own personal feelings. Especially when dealing with high stress situations at work. 

Remember the ‘personal you’ feelings are valid. Have them fully, let them in. Understand their reality. Shoving them away makes them only come back later (with added layers). 

Then chose how to respond as the professional you, knowing the deeper layers are there. The problem with not doing this can mean you respond with an undertone or sub text that isn’t helpful, this can be confusing and just damn right hurtful for you and potentially others. 

This is the time to dig deeper into your own reactions and validate them. They are there anyway. So tap in and communicate cleanly.

At a rate of knots

I’m coming to think that expectations put on any given individual at work is becoming ridiculous. 

I’m hearing people tell me they are working 13-hour days, all weekend, and severely putting their health and family life at risk. Others working part time, but really putting in full time effort. Risking their mental and physical health.

I can see the appeal for individuals because of wanting to do well, be good, be useful and achieve. It can even feel exciting and a huge buzz. My issue is that even under those circumstances of perceived positivity, that buzz is still overriding the fact admission of health and relationships suffering.

It’s easy to put the onus on an organisation as responsible for overworking people, but it’s individuals who run the organisation. The organisation is made up of lots of one’s. These individuals are in the same trap. Over-committing and over-expecting of self and others.

Who made up these rules?

Why are we letting this happen? I believe it’s because like no other time in our lives, we have limitless access to information. The more we consume, the more we know, the bigger the goals the more we want to impact and change.

It all comes from a good place.

But it doesn’t mean that we have to do it all and do it all right now. We can stem the flow and choose wisely.

We each have a responsibility to manage ourselves and influence others in a healthy way. Business outcomes are important but to what end? Negatively impacting relationships? Lives? Families? Health? Fulfilment?

The systems by which we expect people to operate in need to take care of them. Not run them ragged scrambling to achieve the almost impossible because we aren’t taking time to assess, purposefully choose and appropriately plan.

It starts with you. The leader. Step out for a moment and ask yourself, what are you really wanting to impact or achieve and conversely what is reaction or a fear?

Lately I feel I’ve been asking lead teams to step out, slow down and simplify.

Perhaps that’s a good mantra for us all.

Do one thing

Overwhelm is essentially too much to process at once. There is more information than digestible. When feeling a decent dose of hopelessness in my trip to the slums in Africa, I found myself asking the Director Christopher, how he copes with similar sensations. 

He told me, “I do one thing, about one thing.” 

I love this simplicity and profoundness. And since returning have had to remember it many times. Similarly, a stunning piece of advice from another mentor. She often said to me that a good measure of daily life, is whether you left today better than yesterday. No matter what the standard or measure of better.

So even in the hardest of times when things may be too much in whatever context, perhaps simplicity and presence in the moment is all that needs to be mustered. And the tiniest motion is perfect. And that’s enough.

Love does buy food

I’ve returned from staying in an orphanage in a slum, in Kenya. I learned the most I’ve ever learned about humanity in those few weeks. Mostly I discovered what true hope is. When faced with actual impoverishment, little chance of change, government abandonment and zero resources available. Not even water. 

Many people followed my journey online and sent me money (without even being asked), so I could buy food for families in the slums. For kids who hadn’t eaten for days.

My dear friend wrote me a message and said, I’m sending you my love and strength (and I sent money too, because love doesn’t buy food). That sat with me for a little time. Because I realised love does buy food. The love of my friendships, my network, of the tribe, the very compassionate extension of those around me. Our love shook us into action, and I was the delivery person at the frontline.

Leading anything with love and the many different forms it comes in is real. 
So, love does buy food and it also brings deep, essential lifesaving hope. In more ways than one could imagine. In any given circumstance today. Check where love is in your life. It shows up in the tiniest of ways, in your personal and professional leadership. Notice how it makes a difference and keep doing that.

With love…
 

Right in front of your nose

I met a couple who are building their house with their very own hands. Grand Design style. I asked them how they knew how to lay the floor tiles so professionally? The man said, “Read the packet, the instructions are often on there!” 

He wasn’t joking. 

It made me think. How often are instructions, guidance, signs, information, pathways right in front of our nose, and we just over-complicated it?

This week's mantra. Read the packet ;) 

Changing others

I was chatting to a woman I barely know in my local coffee shop, about human relationships in general. In the wrap up of the conversation I said, “There’s not much I can do about that.” She laughed and replied, “When the behavioural change person can’t change them, then all that is left is to change herself.” 

I roared with laughter! Firstly, to be clear, let’s never seek to change another (we can’t anyway), but her response made me laugh. Great advice for us, as we are all behavioural change experts, being that we’re each human. No-one better to take on the role. 

Remember, only you can change you. 

Touché. 

Don’t be a sorry city

I’m so sorry you had to come here of all places.

We’re a bit of dead-faced crowd.

You can’t possibly be one of us, you’re too nice!

These are just a few of the comments I received when I got off the stage speaking at a conference. It surprised me that the majority of people who came up to thank me, in the same breath put themselves or their city down.

Pride of place. What does it take to love and regard the place you’re in? Your home, your city, your office, your sports team, your family, your community centre.

It takes self-respect. You will love the place around you when you can hand on heart love and respect yourself. Then everything around you is seen in a different view.

Possibility.

Acceptance.

Worthy.

Pride.

Welcoming.

Sharing.

Don’t be a sorry city. Look up and within. Because you know what I saw? Clever, warm, funky. Nothing sorry about it at all. 

Remembering when we are well

My friend Fiona (who fights for her life every day) reminds me that I’m well. I don’t want one day to perhaps be ill or maybe very unhappy, and only then remember I was once well. I want to remember it now and cherish whilst it’s here. I want that for you too.

PS: Maybe like Fiona when we’re not feeling great, and she does it so graciously, we can appreciate the parts of us that are still in working order?

PPS: Imagine a life full of that kind of gratitude and what could possibly happen.